Life imitates art

I haven't written on here in a cool minute. I suck at keeping up with things. I mean with drag queen reality shows I'll be on it but with important projects i just leave it unattended long enough for it to come back to me. Yeah. Lately, I've been very petty with my emotions. The green eyed monster has taken me hostage for weeks now. Adulthood is really creeping in, my 18th birthday is in a little over two weeks. I am scared just the idea of it makes my head sink into a pillow. I think I've gotten worse at keeping track of my emotions. Its like one of those graph charts that sky rockets fine and then quickly spirals out of control until it lands somewhere way deep among the clouds. I guess, you could say my thoughts are like clouds either very distant or very close. But whatever the distance may be in proximity it doesn't matter. Clouds from afar seem so thick and full but up close like on a plane and stuff they're really nothing but air. I feel like an airhead most days because the things I say are so carelessly disorganized. I mean I know its gonna rain soon what with deadlines, graduations, and college. I just though this impending storm would be slowly delayed. I thought that bright light would come in and over shadow it but like all things especially my assumptions always go array. I should know better. Prom was my main focus for a good year or so and now that's it passed me by I just feel bitterly disappointed. In all honestly I really did think it was gonna be a momentous occasion in which my life would change. Just like with a highly anticipated movie, a really good movies changes my perspective and moves me. This may have been a highly anticipated occasion for my young life but it definitely didn't do great on the scale. Maybe a 6/10, I mean what did I expect? really, was I gonna meet the dude of my dreams or finally tell off the girls who were mean to me all through my time at Fax. I expected sparks, deep conversations, and of course epic dancing. I've watched too many teen movies that are thickly disguised with fun music and crazier actions. It really was nothing but a small floor filled with sweaty teenagers all in full length gowns and ripped up petals on the ground from all the corsages. Ugh, don't even get me started on the lack of decor I was so pissed I spent a lot of money and not to mention time. Both things that I will never get back. It was half a ballroom, with the star baseball players cousin playing dj, the food was cold, there was a severe lack of decorations. The only thing I really enjoyed was the photo booth's they were the highlight of my night. It was supposed to be A Night In Never-land when it felt like a night at my distant relatives wedding. I knew everyone there, for a majority they knew me and awkward hugs and the typical one liners such as " You changed from the last time I saw you"  or the " You look familiar" AHH, high school how will I cherish and miss the mediocrity. Of course at every prom the popularity contest rules in who wins prom queen and king. I was so happy that a guy one queen. I may have never seen him at school or even heard of him but he deserved it. The crown looked much better on him than any tacky satin could ever do. I thought that was really cute, and the prom queen and king's dance was an awkward but ultimately adorable one. Okay, my prom experience was far off really far off from what I expected but you know what I can't say it was the worst thing ever. Because i got my dream dress for under a hundred bucks custom made at that, I got my hair and makeup done by one of the most sought out duo's in the rockabilly scene. Tony and Stephanie made me look like a Old Hollywood Siren for once in my life I actually looked how I felt on the inside. Granted, during the hair/ makeup sesh i was falling asleep and neglected the fact that I was getting my makeup and hair done by my dream team. I got to go with the table of pleasure(friends) I had fun dancing to daft punk to the shitty pop songs I deemed as wrong but secretly knew every line to. It was also great people watching. Like that quiet girl who would sit in the corner wearing a ravishing ball gown, or the kid who would quietly stand in the background having the time of his life. Not to mention I technically got what I wanted which was to steal someone's prom date. I stole my best friend from all his other dates, he had 2. (hahaha) I didn't fall in my dress and I had a rather humble slow dance with this guy from my bio class. Okay, prom didn't suck. It just was what it was
 Movies are fun, they are great but they are just another case of Art imitating life or well in my case life imitating art. I got so caught up in the idea of that I never got caught in the moment. Prom is fun, but I really shouldn't have gave one fuck and enjoyed the evening for its worth. My life may not be a movie, but because its my life not some big staged production. It makes all the spontaneous moments even more worthy.