I never knew the feeling of having a close friend. All my life i just flip flopped from person to person never really, being close to them but being comfortable enough to call them my friend. It was as if the persona i gave off was almost an illusion used to disguise my real self from everyone else. So with that being said, I'm trying so hard not to take the loss of a really good friendship to heart. Although, it may seem petty of me, i hate that im losing my best friend. I can't be friends with her after her nasty court hearing with her against her family, she won and I lost a friend that day..
Should it be vague of me to say but her and me grew up on and off again. She's one of those people who just pop in and waltz out of my life. We grew up together because her dad is a family friend they've known him since he was thirteen or so.. and he was my uncle's best fraannnd it was a massive group of them and they all were like family. So its no surprise that his daughter and me became good friends as well. I. remember being seven and going to one of my uncles besties moms house parties. This woman put on a show, her parties were huge productions. There would be a stocked bar, dj, tables set up, food a galore, I mean good god did she know how to throw down a mean gathering!!
Well, anyways. All the daughters of my uncles best frannds would play with eachother, I was so terriblly, shy and I remember a red head little girl who stood out because she was pretending to smoke cigarettes and drink chardonnay. I thought she was so cool and different and also, weird. I didn't get out enough, to know drugs were cool and being bad was fun. From then on we would see eachother and then not..
Fast forward to today and she lives with her grandma. way in the obscure land that is Little Rock, California.. Dont know where it is? I dont expect you to nobody does unless you say charlie brown then,they know. Ever since I've known her she's been in and out of several relationships. She always talked about falling in love and stuff but it never happened till all of a sudden she met her current bf. It would be an exaggerated understatement to say she isn't head over heels in loooorrve with this kid. I mean they have promise rings and hang out 24/7.
This isnt one of those Janis Ian and Regina George things. It just sucks knowing that the one person who I can be myself and who knows me pretty well. is gone for good. I dont have many friends i actually dont have any and cousins they dont count by a longshot but this dude, she was my homie we did everything and it was so much fun. She made going to the grocery store the funnest thing ever. She ran with everything and rolled with the punches. Now i feel like one of those punches that was rolled off..
I seriously miss her but I'm also, aware of the current state of everything and it seems like what was is just some foggy,unclear, memory from way back when. I sound super dramatic and shot but its TRUE. My bestfriend who I always thought was gonna be that person who will stick with me the rest of my life is now just one of those people i briefly grew up with, Just like everyone else, is.
hearing valerie the other day made me think of her ginger hair, and the way she used to stare and man i miss her.
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