All These Expectations and I'm An Exception?

    I'm past overdue for a new post. So here's a few things I've discovered about myself. In the last oh you know 48 hours..
       Alright, where to begin. As far as emotions I've been on some weird rollercoaster that zooms straight to mad then depressive sad. I know its odd. I've realized a few things this month. One of them is that I base everything off emotion. That's right im sensitive and the worst kind too. I have this rough, rebellious exterior and on the inside this gooey soft center. That can all easily crumble down in a matter of minutes s. Its funny I put all these fronts and no matter what I try they all somehow collapse on me and  In through comes the "REAL" me the sensitive not so easily distressed, naive, overanalytical idiot. I try not to care about what people think about me because in the end, all you have is yourself and what good is that if you hate the only person you have. It's a typical teenager cliche' we've all been there. I hate that I care so much about people who in a year won't even remember my name let alone like a stupid status. So tell me why? Im wracking my brain over them. Oh, wait dont answer it because I know exactly why. Which takes me to reason numbero dos. I swear a year in spanish and all I learned was how to cheat poorly. By the way dont ever stick post-its to you're thighs it will backfire on you trust me! It's such a shame to be a latina and shitty at you're own language. anyways....  I know all the answers well no that's cocky to say but I know why shitty things happen to me. I unknowingly bug people for advice or for an emotional outpouring and I expect results with every word they tell me. Which is the dumbest thing ever "yeahs and " I understand" aren't ever gonna take me out of there. I should know better than to ask people for help when there in some knee deep shit that they can't even wrap their heads around. Let alone wrap theirs around mine. Which brings me to another problem I expect people to be easier on me for having a shitty childhood. That's an excuse from the books. I expect so much from everyone around me and I can't do it for myself. All these expectations and I'm an exception. Is that bull or what? I can lie to everyone all I want but at the end of the day I can't lie to myself. I throw pity parties for myself every other day and in between a party of ideas based on some stupid thought I had that im still riding off. Im taking ten steps backwards instead of ahead. I haven't been in school since pshhh October third practically a month. Its a wish that i made when I was thirteen dealings with middle school bullies and depression. I'll tell you right now middle school was a nightmare. My classmates didnt know me they didnt want too and I was too afraid. I spent I was in an abyss of saddness everywhere i looked there was examples of what not to do. My teachers we're right everything you do in middle school will prepare  you for hs. I am.. prepared to spent my days in a constant bore locked away in some four walled room. Wishing for a way on the outside knowing even if I were. I'd always end up to go back to square one.