I'm on the edge of something strange, magical, and somewhat relevant..

 I'm at the strange, age of sixteen and half the time I say things I don't really, mean. I wish I was better at being younger and I wish stars would shine a little brighter, like my eyes do once, I get a crummy thought that reminds me of your existence... ugh 

         I turn seventeen in less than a week and I'm totally freaked. I have this weird, re-occurring nightmare that only two people tell me happy birthday via Facebook. That's not the worse thing that can or well could happen to me, I mean I could've dreamt of being chased down by a bloody slasher ready to gut me and murder me but instead I thought of A two-letter word that was absent from the abyss that is my homepage. I kinda feel like that's just my inner fears running through my brain while I sleep. Like subconsciously this is one of my biggest fears, of not being liked and having everyone at large realize, how much of a loser, I am. I'm not cool, I don't do drugs, get into crazy adventures, I don't have the prettiest face, I don't date, can't name a cool thing I've done like eveeeeeeeeeeeeer. Most of the time I'm contemplating on scenarios that just exist in my head but never spill and unfold into my realities. To be quite frank, I don't even have fun at concerts, Wow....I'm gonna instantly regret saying that but it's true, well to this very, moment at least. I don't know if my concert appeal has lost it's lack-luster or maybe its just ME not living in the moment. I always mean to do things but never do, so. I always wanna make new friends so, I can finally have some but c'mon when have I ever been social or likeable? If I cant get people to like my stupid self, how do i expect to make friends.. Anyways on to other external problems, my family life is still fucking, stupid. I have reason to believe  my mother  leads a double life and I have been looking into private investigation. It'll cost me an arm and leg, though. So maybe I can let this spark of curiosity burn out on its own or further it by reaching into childhood friends. I'm no Nancy Drew so who knows if I will even find anything. I'm still really disappointed looking back that a year has gone by and I'm still up to my neck with procrastination and dead end crushes, also a lot of split ends (hair wise). I'm ready for these much needed changes; an attitude adjustment, a nice hair cut, friends!!!!, a=uhmmm a boyfriend, Like how am i gonna spend my last year of beeing a teen and not having that! Im readdy CCCCCHHHAAAANNNGES, TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE, CHHHHANGES, TIME MAY CHANGE ME BUT I CAN'T CHANGE TIME - poorly qouted song off David Bowie's Changes...

This has nothing, like nothing to do, with becoming of age, I'm just really obsessed with it..
This is kinda appropriate, kinda.

Till Seventeen!!❤☀❤