Heartilation

Apparently in the eyes of someone over 25. Being mom less and dad less makes you an easy target for adults to try to control you. I get it whatever I'm this pissy teenager who needs guidance but, don't come giving me some. When you don't even know me!? One thing is understanding me and one is judging me. Sure, I'm not an ideal situation my own mother can't handle me so she passes me off to her sister and she's kinda a mess too. No one respects her, no one takes her seriously, no one takes her into account it's like if her total existence is invalid. My whole family treats her like an outcast. Granted her appearnce isn't all that taken care of her personality has hit it's peak and she's seen better days but I will be an idiot, to not be grateful and stand up for the one person who tries, who puts up with my drama, who let's me go out even if its for a while. I can't even talk to her, talk to her. I get so easily swept away with others words. Words can be so inviting yet, decieving. They tell me I can talk to me they tell me if I need something that they'll be there that if I'm falling apart they be the glue to keep it intact. When in fact they're the scissors tearing me apart and ripping me down.
All these members of my family like to think, they play some big grand roll in my life. No, you are not. You are some drunken buffoon who is playing out some twisted little fantasy of yours. I'm not a puppet you can control with you're hands. No! I'm a teenager who lives with her aunt instead of her mom. I'm damaged I'm a wreck I'm a ball of unerved emotions. I'm not easy to handle. I'm not a sick puppy you think you can take in and just throw out. Don't put a fucking 5 dollar bill when I didn't even need the 25c of you're advice. Karla for ex. Says that I can be comfortable with her, that If I need anything to not hesitate in request. Well I've been proven time after time that's its been a lie. She says and has done some pretty shitty things to me calling a fifteen year old RETARDED STUPID INCAPABLE OF READING. Just for choosing the wrong ice cream. Dude, I've enough with my parent bullshit and my grandma and aunts drama to be getting caught in yours. Seriously and what pissed me off more is that she can get away with this. That all these adults can get away with acting like children and the second I, the child in this act like one. I'm the one at fault?
I'm already stronger and smarter than her because I know what she did wasn't really aimed at me but just frustration. It's like, when my mom would "discipline me"  by hitting me. And oh it wasn't you're standard smack on the ass, pulling of the ear. Ha I wish she was straight up hardcore with it. Wires, hangers, extension cords could be seen as devices of terror. After I or know she had one of her episodes. I would be enwrapped with my own anger. Saying things like I hate you" " I wish I was adopted" " I wish I was never born". She would come apologize by saying the sweetest things like, you know I'm only doing this because you upset me, im sorry please forgive me. I was younger than eight. I thought if she had so much regret afterwards. In the moments that lead to it everything but regret crossed her. My point is I've been treated like, some punching bag. It's become heavier and heavier. It has some wear and tear. Everytime someone gets frustrated and takes it out on someone else. They may be releasing it but unleashing a whole new anger in them. I'm damaged and I need help. I do not want to ever end up like these members of this so called family who run around saying stupid shit thinking it won't affect others. I'M NOT ANY OF YOU'RE PUNCHING BAGS. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, you SEE IT THROUGH. don't act like what you're doing is right just because you're fucking old and wanna act out like a child. You only call me when you're not sober.