Slowly drifting apart

Hey! The following will be super dramatic, cheesy and annoying if you already know me and know who it's for.

Last year around this time I was surrounded with teenage girls at some sleepover watching red box flicks and having laughs with eachother are bonds were growing and I felt happy.
Now present day 2012, I'm sitting here blogging my feelz out. Reading my present. Ahh the irony (reference previous post) my Christmas was all bitter and no sweet. While one was in long beach, the other at a family party I wasnt invited to, and the other somewhere in los Angeles. I was stuck in north Hollywood. At my aunts house like usual, no one was there and I was bored. I didn't feel that warm festive energy that's supposed to be lingering during the holiday season. There wasn't a tree just shitty feelings in the air. So much tension you can cut it with a knife or better yet my spork. I am sick of constantly trying to fill this black hole with them. I want my cousins to understand. That fuck ever since I started hanging around them I became more of a sensitive fuck. I always had feelings that I'd usually shove to the corner and wait, till they devoured me.
Now all I do is express them with the cheapest way. I CRY, always, constantly and it never seizes to amaze me. How much tiny droplets of anger will roll down to my face. I have issues and lots of them and it doesn't seem to help when my issues and problems aren't even agh what's the word being taken seriously. Let's face it. Well no let me face it. What did I expect! Were all completely different this isn't some gang of misfits that learn life lessons in some heartwarming movie directed by John Hughes. No, it's not its me living on a delirium and kissing people younger than I am assess. Im trying to look cool in front of fucking fourteen year olds who clearly have more friends on facebook. Then, I have in real life. Even my virtual ones suck so much I had to get rid of them. I just hate when people don't take me into account for instance, two of them are having a sleepover. They only stopped by for 15. Min and in those fifteen minutes I wanted to bang my head with a shovel and forget about them before I depressed myself. Thanks! For the invite cuz. Glad you stopped by to tell me how awesome you are. I get it Mehki (14 yr old) hates me I embarrass HIM because I'm the drama queen who can't even walk the hill at the round about at citywalk without breaking a sweat. Or that I only get two likes on facebook. Whatever, the list can go on and on but no matter how long the listing may be all the reasons are just as superficial as the last.

Images below are of this past year. My fuzzins. Regardless, of the fights,drama and acts of stupidity. Ive had good Times with them. One day will all get along. Once, I take the time to figure out what I'm doing with my life and sort my feelings out before I take it out on them at another family party.

Cynthia, Jasmine, Eunice, Mehki, Amy
&  myself.