Today I feel like utter and an on going never ending crap feeling. My eye has been tripping and I have eyeliner glued to my eyelids from two days ago, speaking of christmas it sucked. I personally was raised on the knowledge of knowing Santa was a mythical creature that only gave to the rich and to well kids like me. The lesser known ones we didn't even get so much as coal in our stockings. We'd wake up with excitement that slowly turned into disapointment. Christmas wasn't always this depressing once upon oh uhh ten years ago. I had my brief affair with winter wonderland fascanation  The glitter, the comfort, the sweets, the cheesecake fests and most important the TOYS. As, a kid I grew up as a spoiled brat. On one occasion I can remember it like if it happened an hour ago well because ever since they  never let me live it down. I was Bout six we were at my mom's step dads brothers house. They were a lively bunch of salvadorians that welcomed everyone over. We opened are gifts at midnight because were latinos and our traditions rule over you're feeding Santa and sleeping in feetie pajamas. I was dressed up as a dollie. My mother treated my sister and I like, we were her personal dolls that she played with Nd dressed up but once, she was bored she'd toss us to the side and give us to someone else who wanted to play. Sadly, not Always did anyone want in on this game my mom had going on. My older sister always got the shit end of this already uneven stick. Splinters on one end and glitter and marble on the other. Explains why she rebeled against her in her teens. Oh, man those were some dark ages but back to the Christmas situation. Right, so all of the younger kids would sit in a circle mouths watered, eyes wide open and thank yous just pouring out of our tiny mouths. As each and one of my cousins got they're gifts.I was sporting a bitch face wwwaaay before it was cool. My lips were potty my arms were crossed and my eyes were filled with tears. I opened my gift with so much excitement shaking the box was it a Barbie or what is the new bratz doll or what it an easy bake oven. No no and no. As I unwrapped the gift wrapped paper I slowly started unraveling. It was ugh behold a crossword puzzle. 500 pages of fun filled twists and turns. The words just naturally muttered out of my mouth. Like warm butter on bread. ' I don't like it' I don't want it and " A BOOK!?!*!" then, I cried for a while and was lectured. I saw the price of this book that they clearly picked up from some tiny tourist shop. They could've put some effort considering they were my god parents. I thought they hated me and looked down on me. This was the  year after my parents divorced even before I even hit my pre teens. I was already a ball of angst and anger. I was m angry child. Not, saying that I'm still not. I found it unfair that my sister got the most presents and she could barely talk without uttering some nonsense. So, maybe this was a clue that Christmas was gonna be the worst time of year for me other than  the 364 days of the year that already wreaked havoc on me.